Friday, January 30, 2009

Why I don't Miss the Cinema So Much

This is from a post on a website elsewhere and I thought it's worth a republish here:

I went to the Bourne Ultimatum with Wife and former (female) housemate. Before the cinematic event we enjoyed a lovely dinner where my wife and ex housie decided that a heroic dose of wine was called for.

Once drunk, they decided it was time for me to outline what happened in the two preceding films. The glazed eyes and repeated questions such as ''but WHY did he lose his memory?'' indicates this is not going to go well.

Arrival at the cinema finds me in the queue behind Nadine Garner. I attempt to flirt with her, only ruined by the wife and ex housie ''mumble mumble HENDERSON KIDS!''.

One in the movie, the oversize handbag carried by ex housie turns out to be full of plastic glasses and a bottle of red. They open this (oh we're late BTW) in the dark, pour some on the floor and sit back.

They eat snacks in manner that I'm pretty sure sounds not unlike the Germans shelling Stalingrad. Ex housie has to go to the toilet three times (the last one to throw up due to hand held camera angles and wine). Both ask me questions throughout the movie in that faux ''I AM WHISPERING'' yelling voice.

At one stage they put their hands up to ask me a question. This is , according to them, the funniest thing they have ever done.

I reach for a killing implement.

Wife crosses and uncrosses her legs- desperate to go to the toilet. Finally she goes, and the movie ends a minute later. Housie is still throwing up in the ladies. I ponder going home with Nadine Garner.

They want to kick on to a bar. I walk home through the golf course. At midnight, the sprinklers come on for no apparent reason and I get wet.

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posted by thr at 10:08 am


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