For hire...

One slightly battered, bung-kneed 34-yr-old media whore hound. Able to tell it like it could be for short periods between other engagements.

In return for unfeasibly high remuneration I will:

• Do all the IT helpdesk support for your organisation in the event your IT dept has confused its rectum and humerus.
• Assist your poor downtrodden people when others are ready to eat them.
• Put the 'anal' into analyst.
  
• Make you look good, then let you take all credit.
• Tell you the size and nature of the defecation that's about to hit the oscillation. You may not like that part, but that's your problem.
  
• Have bloglines.com open all day on my desktop. Fast moving world, pays to stay on top. It's one of my minimum conditions for working.
• Never grow tired of "seeing your vacant faces staring back at me wanting me to fill your empty lives with humor [and ideas-Tom] you couldn't possibly think of yourselves...." Bill Hicks

...other stuff we can chat about BY REQUEST!