NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow | The Register

Those wacky New Zealanders...:

NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow
It was a bloody silly idea in the first place, but New Zealand's badminton world may finally have to concede that calling the national team the "Black Cocks" really is a bit too strong, the New Zealand Herald reports.

Badminton New Zealand adopted the name a year ago as "a gimmicky label to attract sponsors and fans". It worked to a degree, because the organisation was quickly innundated with cash offers from companies such as - you guessed it - condom manufacturers.

Furthermore, Badminton NZ prez Nigel Skelt confirmed: "At the recent New Zealand Open, crowds were yelling out 'c'mon the Black Cocks'. Whether the team actually adopt the name officially, they're already known as the Black Cocks."

Holy hand-on-cock batman!

Why I'm into the bikes...

1/ They go fast in a straight line
Like WHOA! fast. 0-100 under 3 seconds. The sort of acceleration that even half a million bucks worth of car can't manage. Every novice pillion I've taken for a ride have just comprehensively shat themselves once I "give it a crack".
2/ When you go round corners fast its unlike anything else.
Coz you lean into said corners. Weird. Scary. On edge.
3/ The people you meet.
A nod at the lights. The ones who pull over when they see you on the side of the road. Just to check you are ok.
4/ It's dangerous.
In a world of ever increasing cotton wool, motorcycles are raw, dangerous and the realness.
5/ To connect spiritually

Ah screw it! The reason I ride is to get pics like this:

I think you'll find me in the middle here.
And this:

Holla!

Old bike revivial

Oh it's lovely. Really lover-ly!

Despite having a name that is as awkward as PIN number, the new "old" Ducati SportClassic Sport 1000 is a pretty lil thang- especially in Ducati red:

A CAFÉ RACER FOR A NEW GENERATION

The bold café racer style and essential beauty of the Taglioni’s Sport 750s, delivering modern Ducati performance and road-going savvy. The Sport 1000 introduces many new features that reflect fondly on the past, while being interpreted in a thoroughly modern way

I realise this might strike you as product placement- but frankly... ermm, no kickbacks.

Ducati SportClassic Sport 1000

First Giant Squid Captured in Wild (on Film, That Is) - New York Times

The holy grail of undersea filming has, for a long time, been to film a *live* giant squid.

It must come as a suprise to most to learn that while we know exactly what a giant squid looks like, it has never been seen in teh wild. Mostly due to the fact it 1/ is deep, man 2/ dies before being brought to the surface when caught in a net/hook/cray pot.

"This has been a mystery for a thousand years," said Richard Ellis, author of "Monsters of the Sea" (Knopf, 1994). "Nobody knew what they looked like in the wild. We only saw them dead. These images will open the door to more detailed study of their life."

So I am *excited* about seeing this video!

See the article

I go there for the intellectual discourse...

As I have my Hotmail inbox set to "exclusive", I occasionally go and check what's in the "Junk Mail" just be to be certain I'm not missing out on any good stuff.

To think, I nearly missed out on this:

From : Bar20
Reply-To : info@bar20.com.au
Sent : Wednesday, September 28, 2005 12:19 PM
Subject : Blokesworld presents "Miss DownUnder"

Dear thomas reynolds,

What do dancers think of Global Warming, the Selling of Telstra and the War on Terror?

Find out when these naked chicks perform a show, then get quized on politics and current affairs. Should be interesting!!

Check out our celebrity judges and get your mug on TV!!

Look, when I go to the nudies, I go to see the nudies. Or so I thought. This might change things forever: what if the girls turn out to be intellectual GIANTS with opinions, politics and insights that match mine? What if they offfer insights into the male psyche that has previously gone unnoticed? What if I find them awesomely interesting as well as hellishly sexy? Could my relationship be in trouble? What happens when I start going to Bar-20 et al for the intellectual discourse/rigorous debate? *cue your own 'mass-debate' pun morons!

That aside...
I love Blokesworld. Ado and Wah are not strictly speaking "my people" but I do find myself making the effort to watch 'em most weeks. If you haven't caught the segments like "pole position", "you-me carpark NOW!", "Ms Blokesworld's Good Sports" and the "half-time show" then what's stopping you? Channel 10 late nights Fridays.

Today is the day...

RAPID Bikes Magazine hits the stands today, with my article a major feature. I have already received an email of support from one of the riders- Dean Bonthorne- we took out to Calder for a night of Drag Racing:

Hiya Tom,

Just got the latest issue of Rapid with the Calder story. Awesome stuff!!

Just thought you'd all like to know a follow-up on the line "Dean has that 600 launching like a bullet. Watch out for him in Superstock starts". Since Calder I've achieved the following:

ASC Rd5 : WINTON	GRID POS'N -> TURN 1	ASC Rd 6 : QLD R'WAY	GRID POS'N @ TURN 1
Race One	8th -> 3rd (Up 5 places!)	Race One	16th -> 9th (Up 7 places!!)
Race Two	8th -> 6th (Collision on grid)	Race Two	16th -> 6th (Up 10 places!!!)
Race Three	8th -> 12th (Spun tyre in rain)	Race Three	16th - > 13th (Mono'd. Oops!)

QLD Qualifying nightmare aside, not too shabby, eh!! On average I've been leaving my gird row compatriots for dead, and passing most of the guys on the row ahead!!

If anyone has his e-mail, please pass this on to Maurice, and to all at Rapid.. "THANKS!!"


Cheers,
Deano #66

Sweet!

Rapid Bikes
Dean Bonthorne's poage

Sort that out ASAP...

Sure, it's great that maybe, perhaps, possibly North Korea is going to enter into meaningful, long-term dialogue with the rest of the world and give up it's nuclear aspirations and focus on trivial things like feeding their people.

But something need to be done about Kim Jong Il's seriously fucked up clothing range and fashion sense:

"This get up is going to make me spew"



"I got it going on, just ask the guy behind me..."

"This is how I cope with not winning 'Next Fashion Statesman Idol'. I drink to feel real"

*update Cos found this. I have no idea how. He just likes these things.

Well there you go

Presently I find myself working for an institution that is beginning to feel like an institution- as in "boing boing nut nut". Walking downstairs and outta here to get a coffee as (once again) we are without milk for the appalling Nescafe Glen 20 coffee, I hear the sound of choir type singing.

The room the singing is coming from is open, so I naturally have a squizz. What I see gives me a cold shock. It's a bunch of charismatic God bothering Christians doing the Hillsong thing. The singing is rather good, but this does not mean I can stand the vision of them standing there, arms out in front with palms facing upward, eyes closed and doing the fucking "swaying" thing. The swaying thing where you impersonate Stevie Wonder physically while beng swept up in the majesty of God.

Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.

So, as I go for my medium Latte/2 sugars, I ponder the God botherers and wonder how many are amongst us these days. Are they my doctor, lawyer, lolly pop lady? Given I make next to no use of these folk, we're pretty tickety boo. But what if it's my mechanic, tyre fitter etc. Shizer!

Rather than ponder this horror, I decided to look up "God Botherer" on Wikipedia: NO LISTING. In the event anyone wants to help, please leave in the comments. Not that anyone does, but please leave your definition of "God Botherer" and I'll make my first Wikipedia entry.

Current listing on Wikipedia

Bill Hicks... again.

Read my next post to see a quote from the great man in action. In the meantime: enjoy.

Meg Wood got me into Bill Hicks. That's one thing I could thank her for. I wonder what Bill would make of her today?. Tail pipe? hmmmm

"By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising, kill yourselves. Thank you, just planting seeds, planting seeds is all I'm doing. No joke here, really, seriously, kill yourself. You have no rationalization for what you do; you are Satan's little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself NOW. Now back to the show. Seriously. I know marketing people are going to be like, "There's going to be a joke coming up.' There's no fucking joke: suck a tailpipe, hang yourself, borrow a pistol from an NRA buddy, do something. Rid the world of your evil fucking presence; OK, back to the show....

You know what bugs me, though? I know everyone here who's in marketing is now thinking the same thing: 'Oh, cool, Bill's going for that anti-marketing dollar; that's a huge market.' Aaaaaa, quit it, quit it! Don't turn everything into a dollar sign, please! 'Ooo, the "plea for sanity" dollar; huge, HUGE market! Look at our research.'"

4WDers are arseholes

And we now have proof

FORGET the fit, rugged, 30-or-so-year-old navigating flood plains and climbing mountains in snazzy four-wheel-drives depicted in commercials.

In reality, the drivers are often obese, aggressive, intolerant and aged in their 40s or 50s.

An Australia Institute study has found that city owners of large four-wheel-drives are less community minded than other drivers, less charitable, more likely to be homophobic and have a low opinion of Aboriginal culture.

It also found they are more likely to use force to get their way.

Based on a Roy Morgan Research survey in 2003-04 of 24,718 people aged 14 and over, it found the typical city four-wheel-drive owner is a man in his 40s or 50s in full-time work with a higher-than-average income.

Two-thirds of their drivers in the city are overweight or obese.

They also had a lower regard for the welfare system than the rest of the population.

"These drivers tend to see themselves as rugged individualists who like physical activity," the report's authors, Clive Hamilton and Claire Barbato, said.

Of course GENUINE 4WDers (like we met on our trip) are delightful folks.

But, for the rest of you maniacs: Kill yourselves- suck a tailpipe, hang yourself, borrow a pistol, do what you gotta do*

*apologies Bill Hicks.

Whaddya you mean "'ello?"

Oh I do love the unbridled madness that was Derek and Clive. Dudley Moore and Peter Cook created two very Bad Men- who might just be funnier versions of any one of my friends.

My favourites are: "This bloke comes up to me", "The Horsey back ride with Sir", "The Worst Job I ever Had" amongst others. On the recent trip round Oz, I took a few MP3 CD's to listen to on the intercom thingo- but I must say that Ms Rachel was not quite ready for the Jayne Mansfield sketch while trying to stay upright on the Cape York telegraph track. I'll try again now we're home.

If not Andrew Rupert E. and I will have to just get a cask of cheap red and listen up.

"Not so much brought them on herself as so much encouraged them ..... "

Read more about 'em
Watch a Flash animation

Go faaaaaaaast

As part of a never ending quest for article ideas I'm currently looking at salt flat racing as something crazy and fun.

The traditional home of Salt Racing is the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah, USA.

WTF THOMASR...?
OK, it's just drag racing without the race. Or the 1/4 mile. Essentially it's a speed trial. Get a run up for 3 miles (4.8 Km's) be timed for 3 miles and slow down for 3 miles.

In Oz, the event takes place on Lake Gairdner. Chosen over Lake Eyre, Lake Gairdner is also a salt lake, but is not fed by any rivers or creeks (No, i don't really understand that either) and is therefore drier, flatter and harder than almost any other salt pan in the world. It's said that the ground there is so hard, seasoned campaigners take a cordless drill to help get the tent pegs in. Like, whoa.

Anyway I scoured the world and local records to find one to have a crack at (or at least report and follow a crew attempting). I'm thinking that a 125cc record would be the easiest to beat and cheapest. We'll see!

With all the great mountains climbed, sports record tainted by performance enhancing drugs and blood sports all but gone, the world land speed record is but 8 years old, scarier than hell and stands as one of the few "pushing the envelope" records left. Many have died trying. And the physics/engineering behind an attempt is in a grey area in that the variation in the behaviour of a craft as it approaches the speed of sound varies wildly from Mach .90, .91, .92 etc. It's really crazy stuff. It's aircraft fast- and perhaps that's why the record is held by a British pilot fer chrissakes! In a giant twin jet engined bohemoth called Thrust SSC:

The shockwave generated by the car passing through the sound barrier extended out 150 foot wide on each side, turning the desert into dust

Yes, that's right- the freaking SOUND BARRIER! *cue Dr Evil type voice

Some details on the car:

The car is 54ft long, 12ft wide, weighing 10.5 tons. This is serious motoring. It is powered by two Rolls-Royce Spey 202 engines, taken from a Phantom jet fighter. Power is 100,000hp.

The chief engineer, Ron Ayers had this to say about it:

Firstly, performance is not a problem with a jet-powered car. By putting a big enough engine in a small enough chassis you can go as fast as you like and God help you.

God help anyone within 10 miles of it:

...we heard the warning that engines were starting and breathed a sigh of relief. The tracks were so long that we saw the rooster tail from over the horizon before we saw the car. It entered the measured mile and came streaking towards us - by the time it was level with the spectator area it was already braking, trailing the brake-chute behind it. But we still hadn't heard a thing - just silence. Then it came, first the sound of the engines then BOOM, BOOM - two huge sonic booms which seconds later echoed off the surrounding mountains. It was reported that the booms upset pictures on the wall of the saloon in Gerlach, ten miles away but I suspect they were already crooked!

And boy was this thing smoking along:

Flying mile 763.035 mph (1227.985 kph)
Flying kilometre 1223.657 kph (760.343 mph)

That's a KILOMETRE every 2.9 seconds! The three miles to get the record took 15 seconds. And for the "pilot" that would feel like an hour. Take another look at that bloody picture above. And then this one:


Note how the shockwaves are bending the light. It's not a camera/photoshop thing, it's what happens when 100,000 horsepower* pushes a wall of air in front of it.

* about 120 F1 cars worth of power. Or 1,000 Corollas if you prefer. Or 50,000 Citroen 2CV's. Or 100,000 Phar Laps.

World Speed records
Guiness listing for Thrust
Andrew Graves was there

War memorial...

You simply must go to the Australian War Memorial website and listen to the audio files of Australian trooops caught in a firefight in Vietnam:
http://www.australiansatwar.gov.au/throughmyeyes/vi_cuf.asp

Listen to the segment when the Helicopter commander (aka "three zero" asks the commander on the ground whether the strafing run by "bushranger" has been effective:

"Three-Zero, Three One - Three-One, Three-Zero. How was that?
Three-One. That's lovely. Over.

"That's lovely"
The final recording is both dramatic and quint essentially Australian. Each line is a different person. They are trying to co ordinate a dust off for a wounded Digger while trying to reduce enemy fire on both the dustoff and the troops below. It's bloody tense.

Charlie, Bushranger Seven-One. Be rolling in in twenty seconds. We're running in from the south west to the north east.
Roger, watch out for our dustoff as you probably know, Out.
Dustoff One, this is Three-Charlie, that man's fairly bad. He's got a hole right into chest above the heart. (sound of firing) We're taking fire -get out, get out, Dustoff!
Dustoff's getting fired at.
Get that chopper out of the way, you're being fired at! Dustoff, piss off!
We're taking tracer pretty heavy from that position, now.
Bushranger Seven-One, can you bring them in? Dustoff was fired at then.
Roger, If Three-One will throw smoke, we'll suppress.
Three-One, we are giving covering fire. Over.
Dustoff, be careful with those guns, we're down here too. Over...

There's lots of really worthy, wonderful stuff on the AWM site- you could spend hours listening and reading up on the real life experiences of Australians at War.

New Background

Actually it's the same, but I have put more white over it so the text is easier to read. There will be a new one once the Speed Triple is sold and the new stunt bike built.

Hope this makes all happier. I am now officially blaming the background for the lack of patronage on this site...

thomasr

History revisionist

No, I am not David Irving, but I have decided to blog all the stuff I didn't about our trip. I have my diary and will insert the days back where they belong.

...if that makes sense. See archives in the bottom right of this page.

HOORAY for BOOBIES!

Tyra keeps it real!

Talk about keeping it real: Tyra Banks underwent a televised sonogram on her new talk show to prove that her breasts aren't fake.

''I'm tired of this rumour. It's something that's followed me forever,'' the supermodel said on The Tyra Banks Show.

After Banks asked the men in the audience to leave, Dr Garth Fisher from ABC's Extreme Makeover performed a touch test and then the sonogram.

Like WHOA get outta here! I want this man's job. It's like the old "Random Breast test" gag is true.

There was a whole Seinfeld episode about this quality boob testing gear.

Anyway MAX props to Tyra- coz girl- them puppies are real and they GOT IT GOIN' ON.

...apologies all round

Poison your tea....

From The Age letters:

WHAT a sleaze Mark Latham is. I watched him on ABC-TV on Monday night, and the hair stood up on the back of my neck in physical revulsion as he licked his lips like some greedy giant descending from a beanstalk that others had helped him climb, and tucked in for a delicious feast of spite and revenge.

Posing as a model father and husband and compassionate friend of those in distress, he nevertheless thought nothing of sinking to the lowest depths of human treachery by encroaching on the private area of another's grief over the death of a mother and using this to satisfy his appetite for malicious gossip.

As for his chauvinistic remarks about whom he goes home with, I can only say I wouldn't go home with him if he paid me handsomely from his parliamentary pension or the royalties from his book that has been marketed so successfully.
Patricia Wiltshire, Montmorency

Made me think of this, though it's not strictly related....

Lady Astor (infuriated): Mister Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your tea.
Churchill: Madam, were I your husband, I would surely drink it.

In case the Poms get too cocky..

Never, ever forget this:



Now get along.

Not bloody funny

Ok, pretty funny then...

>> Load of Cox << FROM POPBITCH

From popbitch.com this did done make of me laughing!

Rugby players DJ at Manumission

Leeds amateur Rugby League team, The Queens,recently went on a team-bonding break to Ibiza They were queuing for Manumission when one of the forwards was mistaken for DJ Carl Cox. Ten minutes later they were all in the
VIP area drinking free champagne.

By 3am the group was still in the VIP lounge. Staff came over to ask Carl to DJ, saying "Look lads, you have done in a few grand of free booze... come on Carl, give us half an hour".

Introduced as special guest Carl Cox, the rugby player went up to the decks, turned every dial he can see up to the maximum...and started shouting "We are Queens, We are Queens." At this point, the Manumission team started to think that perhaps this wasn't Carl Cox after all...

RAPID rise...

So, it's all happening. The next edition of RAPID magazine will have my article about a night I organised at Calder Park for some circuit riders to practice their starts. It's the feature article for the edition, so I'me pretty stoked. Was a lot of fun to boot. See the video HERE

Those interested should pop into the bike show this weekend (Fri 16th- Sun 18th Sept) and meet Jeff (ed) Pappy (art dir) and ol' thomasr working the stand. We'll be showing Ghost Rider 3!

Above: Jeff Ware- the ed- sings my praises. Goose.

Below: There will be more articles!